On Your Due Date...

I honestly didn’t know how I would handle today. I have settled into a puzzling state of peace. Neither situation is better or worse... it just “is.” One possible outcome of my life, the one I am in right now, could not have existed with the other. 

I do think about you often. I wonder whether or not you would have arrived today- your due date, held on for a few extra days or arrived early like your mother everywhere she goes. Would you have had your her eyes?  My hair? Her smile? 

We want you to know that even though we never got to meet you brought so much joy to our lives. The mere thought of you, your fuzzy first pictures on ultrasound, and the dulcet rhythmic beats of your heart brought us to happy tears, made us dance through the room and burst with laughter. In celebrating you fiercely but also mourning you fiercely you set a new cadence to our life. We love without abandon. We dance like no one is watching. Joy has permission to manifest in delighted screams, fist bumps, tears and song. You taught us that sorrow and joy are two sides of the same coin, two verses of the same song. 

I know we will meet you some day but until then know this: I love you, your mother loves you, your big sister loves you and so do countless other people.